


100 Ways to Say I Love You

by madmadeleine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-29
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-09 23:06:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/779005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madmadeleine/pseuds/madmadeleine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One hundred moments and images in the shared life of Castiel and Dean Winchester, based on AlphaDictionary's list of the hundred most beautiful words in the English language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ailurophile

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where these are going, so the tags will be updated as I keep writing. :) Also NB: these are alphabetical, rather than chronological, and are rooted in canon but deviate a bit at points.

****Ailurophile:** ** _****n. a cat fancier, a lover of cats.** ** _

Apparently, Castiel has a thing for cats. Unfortunately for Dean, he has a thing for Castiel, and so the two of them leave Sam poring over some huge book and go to the pet store. When they arrive, Cas literally skips to the back of the pet store, his trenchcoat flapping behind him. After ten minutes of intense cat-petting and a long discussion with the owner about the merits of one cat over another, Cas plucks a tiny grey kitten out of the basket and takes it over to Dean. Cas looks at Dean with a look Dean can only classify as begging (and fine, completely adorable). “Can we buy this one, Dean? He’s very small; he won’t be much trouble at all. Look at him!”

Dean sighs. “Look, Cas. Do what you want, but you’re cleaning up when this thing pees all over.” Cas looks momentarily hurt, but then goes over to the owner and comes back 5 minutes later with the cat and a bag of food. 

Later that night when the two are in bed, Cas leans over and murmurs, “Thank you, Dean. I know any mark of permanency is hard for you, and I appreciate your trust in allowing us to get a pet.” Dean first feels like he’s been punched, but then relaxes into Cas’s arms. He forgets how efficiently Cas can break down his walls. “Anytime, Cas.” Cas smiles against the skin of his neck and rolls over to kiss him.

They end up buying another cat next week, and it’s completely worth cleaning up cat pee to see Cas’s smile.


	2. Assemblage

**Assemblage: _n. a_ _gathering._**

They are laughing, drunk and free from care for this one night alone, their last night on Earth. Castiel watches Dean try to flirt with Jo and laughs out loud when Dean comes back from the kitchen with a pout on his face.

“What did you expect, Winchester?” Ellen yells from across the room, and everyone laughs but Dean.

Dean relaxes against Castiel on Bobby’s couch. Ellen, Bobby, and Sam are playing poker, so no one notices Dean Winchester snuggling an angel. Castiel stiffens, the physical contact unexpected, but the alcohol takes over and he leans into Dean. Dean’s hand slips into his, and the two stay intertwined with each other while the others drink and talk and laugh. Bobby says something about everybody getting in the living room for a photo, and the two reluctantly break contact to mug for the camera.

They never speak of that night again, after. The pain is too raw, and so eventually Castiel forgets the pressure of Dean’s hand in his own.  



	3. Becoming

**Becoming:** **_adj. attractive_. **

If you asked Dean what he found most attractive about Cas, he'd be hard-pressed to answer. It's not so much a lack of appealing features as a dearth of them. He doesn't want to narrow himself, after all. But man, the thing he thinks about most is Cas's hair. Brown and fluffy and always out of place and yes, total sex hair. He likes to run his fingers through it absentmindedly while looking through lore books. He likes to push a strand out of Cas's eyes when the angel's nervous or flustered. But most of all, he likes to grab Cas's face, kiss him like there's no tomorrow (because there might not be, after all), and see how rumpled the angel's hair is afterwards. 


	4. Beleaguer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting two today because it's Wednesday, and we all know what that means!

**Beleaguer: _v. to exhaust with_** _**attacks**._

Cas leaves in the middle of the night and doesn’t come back for three days.

On the first day, Dean mostly paces back and forth until Sam makes him sit down and eat something.

On the second day, he can’t stop thinking about Cas’s bruised and broken form under Crowley’s knife or Naomi’s blade and he talks to Sam endlessly about every possibility until Sam forces him to sleep.

On the third day, he drinks.

Late at night, he’s woken by Cas crawling back into their bed. His first instinct is to roll closer, but he remembers what happened and springs from the bed as if burned.

“What the hell, Cas? You can’t just leave like that! For three days! We didn’t hear from you for three days!”

“Dean-”

“Anything could have happened to you! For all we knew, Naomi had you again, or Crowley was torturing you, or you were dead in the middle of nowhere!”

“Dean, I-”

“You can’t do that, Cas! When we agreed we would try being whatever it is we are, we said we were in this together. Now, I’m no good at relationships, but even I know that you don’t just leave the other person without a word. Especially when our lives are as crazy as they are. What the hell were you thinking, man?”

“Dean.” Castiel’s voice is firm. “I had something I had to take care of.”

“Yeah? What was that?”

“I too am not skilled at relationships, but I know that they require trust as well as communication.”

“You couldn’t trust me enough to tell me, Cas?”

“Not with this.” His voice softens. “Dean. I am fine. You, on the other hand…”

He steps closer to Dean, kissing him softly. Castiel’s hand lingers on Dean’s face for a moment.

“Dammit, Cas,” Dean whispers before returning the angel’s kiss.


	5. Brood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for being a terrible poster! In my defense, my CPU melted and I lost the file for a bit. All better now; I should be able post more regularly.

**Brood _: v. to think alone_**

Sometimes, Castiel still feels the weight of fifty thousand souls on his shoulders. Sometimes he still sees the look on Dean’s face when he’d held the angel blade over his head. Sometimes he remembers how it felt to have thousands of his brothers and sisters lying dead around him. Those times, he pulls Jimmy’s coat and his wings around him like a shield. He lies down on a bed and tries to shut out the thoughts, the guilt, the screams, the “please.” Those times, Dean is the one to grip him tight and raise him from the hell of his own making.


	6. Bucolic

**Bucolic: _adj. of or relating to the pleasant aspects of the countryside and country life._**

**_  
_**Hunting has never been about big cities. Sometimes Dean wonders why the demons, Wendigo, ghosts, and everything else seem to skip over big cities and settle in small towns in the middle of nowhere.

He doesn't mind, though, that jobs don't take them to bright lights and tall buildings. He likes driving down the highway with Cas and Sam, listening to equal parts Zeppelin and Sam bitching about his taste in music. He likes looking out the window at endless fields or over at Cas's sleeping form. Sometimes Cas isn't actually sleeping, and he gets chewed out for not keeping his "eyes on the road before you kill us all _again_ , Dean."  The cornfields, winding roads, tiny diners with good pie, and the presence of Sam and Cas make him feel like his world is small again; it all makes him feel safe.

And then Sam pulls out John's journal and an ungodly amount of books, and Cas puts on his serious face, and they keep on doing their jobs. But when the job is done and they move on to the next town, Dean thinks to himself that having these things surrounding him so often might not be all that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no excuse for not updating! I'm really sorry, and I'll be returning to regular updates now that I have some backlog.


	7. Chatoyant

**Chatoyant: _adj. having a changeable luster or color with an undulating narrow band of white light, like a cat's eye._**

  
Castiel dreams now. It's something that Dean told him is "just another part of being human, Cas" (before going to make himself a sandwich), but Dean didn't mention nightmares.

Every night, they come in some form. New memories, like Naomi and Metatron, or Dean's face when Castiel was killing him; sometimes even old ones, like the Leviathan. Every night, Naomi drills into his skull or Metatron laughs or his brothers and sisters fall to earth, and there is nothing he can do.

He doesn't tell Dean, though. He knows Dean would worry, and Dean has done enough worrying on his behalf for a lifetime. In the mornings, he always wakes before Dean anyway, and he takes a few moments, trembling and sweating, to cover all traces of the night before.

One night, though, it's different. He dreams of fighting with Crowley for the tablet, but he sees himself as Crowley would. He can hear himself say, "Do you really want to take that chance?"

And then he sees his wings unfurl, and the room fill with light, and the angel blade shine like anything, and it hurts him to his core to remember what he once was.

He wakes up crying and shaking, and he can't hide his distress this time. Dean sits up, and turns to face Castiel.

"Cas? What's wrong?"

Castiel cannot speak. He doesn't have to. Dean wraps his arms around Castiel, and Castiel slumps onto Dean's chest.

"Nightmare?"

He nods. Dean grimaces.

"How long have you been hiding these from me?"

A pause.

"It doesn't matter. You don't have to, okay? I want to know when you're in pain so I can fix it."

Dean kisses him, and then lies back down still holding Castiel. He smiles, and goes back to sleep. He dreams of nothing, and can still feel Dean's arms around him, keeping him safe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Visual aids!
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	8. Conflagrate

**Conflagrate: _v. to be on fire, to set afire._**

**_  
_**As an angel, Castiel has never felt jealousy before. It's an emotion that God made clear is exclusive to humanity, warning against its perils in the Bible more times than Castiel can count.

He marks this as just another way he has fallen from grace, because seeing Dean with Anna, hearing Uriah say something about angel food cake, is all too much. There's something clutching at his vessel's heart and stomach that is painful and ugly and makes it impossible to breathe, and it burns like holy fire. He knows that Dean isn't indifferent to sexual orientation, he knows that Dean prefers women. Anna is beautiful, and Dean made her happy. His jealousy is completely irrational and foolish, but he can no more stop the burning than he can stop breathing, or stop loving Dean Winchester.

Castiel is, admittedly, a little glad when Dean belligerently refuses to give up Anna. He's spoiling for a fight, and throwing Dean across the room might take the edge off.


	9. Cynosure

**Cynosure: _n. a focal point of admiration._**

"Please, Cas?" Dean murmured into the angel's collarbone, "It's not like you're going to blind me or anything."

"I've never done this before, Dean. I don't know how it would affect you, and I don't want you to get hurt."

Dean snorted. "I've been stabbed, shot, drowned, and sent to hell. I think I can handle some angel wings, don't you?"

Castiel sighed, but sat up in bed. Dean turned to face him as he unfurled his wings with a rustle.

Dean made a tiny noise, somewhere between a gasp and a sigh. It meant admiration, shock, and awe, but most significantly, it meant 'holy shit, my boyfriend is an ANGEL.'

"They're beautiful, Cas," Dean murmured as he lifted his hands to touch the wings ever so gently. Castiel smiled, and kissed Dean softly.

As Dean began to fall asleep, Castiel wrapped his wings around the sleeping form. Dean couldn't recall the last time he'd slept better.

 


End file.
